Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
