pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
