I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
