Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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