SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
