Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
