all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
