I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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