I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
