I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
