There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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