Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
