Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
