What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
