You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
