Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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