I got chris browned last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
