you guys were way drunker than both of me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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