His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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