my sisters under your porch take her home
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
