i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
