Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
