i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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