sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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