one two three fourrrrnication!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
