Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
