Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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