I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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