Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
