he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
