I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just blew my weed a kiss
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
