He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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