I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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