There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
