i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
