Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
