So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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