You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Reggie can tackle my bush.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
