I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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