she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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