so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
