I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
