I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
