I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
