Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
