Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
