Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
the liver wants what the liver wants
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
