I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
