I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
