I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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