Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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