FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
