I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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