I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
